MOM STORIES: Nabila Babar

NAME/CURRENT LOCATION

Nabila / Redmond, WA

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF

I am a working mother who is trying to balance the relationships around her as well as the demands of a fast paced, challenging career, who is constantly switching from one role to another and in an attempt to do-it-all has figured out there is no such thing. 

TELL US ABOUT YOUR FAMILY

We are a small family of three. My husband and I were married 9 years ago. We have both been raised in very traditional Pathan families but I have spent the majority of my life in America. Our little boy just turned 3. We would love for our son to benefit and learn from the best of both cultures. 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT BEING A MOM / WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGING PARTS

My favorite part of motherhood is that it not only makes you re-discover the world through a child's eyes but to re-discover your self. Children have a way of making their mothers superheroes. Becoming a mother gave me strengths that I never knew I had.

For me, the hardest part of motherhood is letting go. Whether its turning my back to him when I drop him off at daycare or letting go of each phase of life he has outgrown. Each milestone of his is a bitter sweet moment. Every morning having to put away this little piece of myself so I can concentrate on work. But the funny thing is, becoming a mother made me even better at work. I have had the most success as a working mother. He gives me this strength, this drive to achieve, that I never had before. 

ANYTHING THAT YOU LEARNED FROM YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WANT TO PASS ON TO YOUR KIDS? 

My parents are opposites of each other. My mother is passionate and hot tempered. My Father is my calm during a storm and gives excellent advice. My mother has taught me the meaning of hard work. My father has always been and will be my rock to lean on. His words are poetry in itself, with layers of depth that I keep thinking about and re-discovering. With each generation that passes, there are values and a way of living that is lost. It is important to cherish whatever you can of your parents and pass it on to your children. It’s these values and lessons that build character. 

HOW DO YOU FIND TIME FOR YOURSELF, WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ‘ME-TIME’ ACTIVITIES? 

The more complicated and demanding my life gets, the more hobbies I pick up. I have always been a reader. To me, there is no better time spent then lost in a book somewhere far away. As I get older, I am trying to read books with more substance, but still enjoy the occasional vampire thriller!  I also enjoy photography and being able to steal moments of life and tuck them away to enjoy later. I like poetry and writing letters to my son. My relationship with him gets stronger with each letter I write to him, page by page, word by word. I also picked up sketching recently. It doesn’t matter that I am not great at all of these, that isn’t the point. This time spent is my outlet and help me stay grounded, and where I have no deadlines or numbers to meet.

WHAT ROLE DOES YOUR FAITH PLAY IN YOUR PARENTING?

Faith has always played a different role in my life at different times. In hard times it is where I turn to for help and strength. In good times it keeps me grounded. I think God doesn’t make you go through hard times for no reason and that doing things the right way, not just the easy way, will eventually lead to a better outcome. I also think intention plays a big role in faith. My son is very young to understand the concept of faith right now, but I think one of my biggest responsibilities is instilling a strong sense of faith in him. Having children really makes you reflect and question your faith and in my case there is a greater desire to strengthen my relationship with God.    

AS AN IMMIGRANT DO YOU SOMETIMES WISH TO MOVE BACK? HOW DO YOU COMPARE LIFE IN YOUR BIRTH COUNTRY TO THE ONE YOU HAVE IN THE UNITED STATES?

Honestly, no.I have spent very little time in Pakistan. The majority of my life has been in America and I have a hard time relating to the life lived in Pakistan. I think it’s important for kids to know and understand their roots but I don’t believe in following culture just for the sake of traditions. Traditions, religion,  and culture is very easily abused. It’s very hard to overlook that in Pakistan. There are some beautiful aspects of Pakistani culture that I would love to instill in my son - like its hospitality, community, and respect for elders. 

WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS FOR YOUR CHILDREN?

I read somewhere that my dream for my child is so that he grows up and follows his dreams. But as a parent you can’t help but have hopes and dreams for your children - some selfish and others selfless. My dreams come in a form of prayer for him. I pray that he grows up to be happy, healthy, successful, loving, and gives back to this world a lot more then what he has taken. I pray that he has a close relationship with God and is able to respect and appreciate the relationships around him.

ANY ADVICE FOR OTHER MOMS OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE.

I know mothers love to give advice and are tired of hearing it; so I will keep it short. Do whatever you think is best for your child - you know your child better then anyone else. There is no manual, there is no standard, there is no competition. Be strong and have confidence in yourself.

Thank you so much Nabila for sharing a piece of your life with us. So glad to have you here.

For previous posts in this series go here.

Nabila was on the blog earlier too. Check it out here.

Thanks for reading and lots of love.

Conversations with Anya: Pakistan Edition

A bilingual household means a bilingual kid! I'll try to translate most of the conversations but sometimes its not that easy. Hope you’ll excuse that :)

Bilal talking to my sister-in-law and discussing the order for dinner

Bilal: Bas saath wings mangwado (Just order the wings with it.)

Anya, panicking: I don’t want you to fly away. Because I love you!

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Anya: Mama ab lots of time hogaya hai. Ab its time to go home. Ab airplane mei betho lets go home.

(Mama its been a lot of time. It’s time to go home. Now sit on airplane, lets go home.)

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After spending the day with my sister Nadiya at her work and playing with her endlessly all day, Anya hugging my youngest sister Waliya and saying: Walu khala¹ I love you more than Nadu khala!

Nadiya: What?? Bas theek hai ab mei ap se naraz hoon. Office ja rahi hoon. (Fine, I’m not talking to you now. I’m going back to my work)

Anya: Nooo.. Kal to meine ap ko kaha tha na keh I love you more than Walu khala. (Noo.. but I did say to you yesterday that I loved you more than Walu khala)

Nadiya: Kab? (When?) 

Anya: Kaha tha na keh I love you more than Walu khala. (I did say it, that I love you more than Walu khala)

Nadiya (Not remembering): Um.. Okay.

Waliya: Noo, but you just said you love me more than Nadu khala.

Anya: Nooo, I love Walu more than and I love Nadu more than.

Nadiya, Waliya confused: More than who?

Anya: More than you both!

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Anya, (about her teacher): Woh school mei hee rehti hain. (She lives in school.)

My sister, Nadiya: Apki teacher ka koi home nahi hai? (Your teacher doesn’t have a home?) 

Anya: No.

Nadiya: Apki teacher keh babies nahi hain? (What about her babies?)

Anya: Unke koi babies nai hain. (She has no babies.)

Nadiya: Unka husband nahi hai? (What about a husband?)

Anya, remembering something: Un ne humain bataya tha keh unka husband hai. (She told us that she has a husband)

Nadiya: Unka sirf aik husband hai? (So she just has a husband?)

Anya: No, Three!

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Anya: Abhi Nadu ne itna ghalat cheez kara tha keh bass!

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My Nana² asking Anya the day before we were leaving: Ab phir kab aaogee aap? (Now when will you come again?)

Anya: I don't know.

Nana: Only Baba knows. Right? (Only your dad knows, right?)

Anya: And Allah knows too.

Nana, speechless and laughing: Yes Allah knows!

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More in this series here.

Thanks for reading and lots of love.

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FYI

¹Khala is the Urdu word for mom’s sister

²Nana is the Urdu word for Maternal Grandfather

AROUND PAKISTAN: Central Library Bahawalpur

The Central Library of Bahawalpur is a historical library in the city of Bahawalpur¹. I had been dying to visit this beautiful library ever since I heard of it. When they were growing up, my husband and his sister were regular members and I’m so glad Anya got to visit the library of her dad’s childhood on this trip.

We were not disappointed at all on our visit and I could imagine many an afternoons spent at the peaceful and oh-so-colorful children section just reading books to my girl. The two librarians in the children’s section were so friendly. Anya loved going through their books, the educational puzzles they had laid out and playing in the little play area they had in the center. An afternoon definitely well-spent. Here’s a peek.

















Founded on 8th March 1924, the Central Library of Bahawalpur, is built with a classical Italian style of architecture. The library boasts historic manuscripts, more than a hundred thousand books in both English and Urdu, a children’s library, a newspaper collection beginning before the independence of Pakistan till date, a Braille Library, a computer training center as well as audio-visual collections.²







If you have kids and are ever in the area, I definitely recommend you go visit.

Thanks for reading. Lots of love.

More in this series here.

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FYI

¹ Bahawalpur is the 12th largest city of Pakistan, located in Punjab. The city was once the capital of the princely state and later province Bahawalpur, and home to various Nawabs(rulers). Also from the blog, memories from Bahawalpur.

² A link to a short video blog in Urdu about this library

MOM STORIES: Shehwar Fatima

So excited to have a good friend and a super-inspiring mom in the first post in this series. (Read about the series here.) I have always admired this lady’s positivity and the way her voice brims with almost-excitement as she talks about motherhood and its challenges. She makes the perfect mom to begin this with! Enjoy:)

NAME/LOCATION

I am Shehwar Fatima, residing in Redmond, Washington. But my first home will always be Karachi, Pakistan where I was born and raised.

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF/YOUR FAMILY

I am a stay-at-home-mom. We are a family of five. My husband and I have three kids. Tahira is 12, Nabeeha is 8 and Ali is 5 years old.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT BEING A MOM/WHAT ARE SOME CHALLENGING PARTS FOR YOU?

There's this quote which is one of my favorites, it says "The moment a child is born, a mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is absolutely new." Isn't this beautiful? So with that said, the experience of being a mother also grows as your child grows. The very first favorite thing that I discovered was the amount of love that comes with the child. It is unparalleled  to any other types of love. We love a lot of people in our life, but a mother's love is something totally different. The second favorite thing about being a mother is the amount of learning that is involved in the process of teaching/disciplining and dealing with difficult situations with your kids. It is not a smooth sail so of course I have my moments of meltdown too but I think I have learned so much about myself and I am constantly re-evaluating my parental skills because I have three kids and  each one brings new challenges to the table.  My one child is strong willed, and the other is very emotional so I have to cater to both of their needs. The third one is a kindergartener who wants to go his way ALL THE TIME! :) I have learned that one technique doesn't apply to all kids equally. There are some core values that remain constant but some things have to be dealt with differently according to that child's personality. As they are growing, their conversations and opinions are getting matured too. I have so much fun talking to my girls. I want to hear what they have to say and it also helps me understand their unique personalities. I find so much happiness when I see my two girls at play because I never had a sister, so when I see them I just feel so happy that they have each other.

ANYTHING THAT YOU HAVE LEARNED FROM YOUR PARENTS THAT YOU WANT TO PASS ON TO YOUR KIDS?

When I think about my parents, there are many traits that stand out... My father, may he rest in peace, was a very gentle soul, lover of nature and had belief in humanity in general. One of the best things about him was that, he was not prejudiced at all!  Not a speck of it! It was remarkable. He had total respect for diversity in people and respected all races and all religions. He believed that everyone should have full freedom to practice whatever one wants. I try my best to practice this myself and incarnate this in my children because in today's world we all need a whole lot of tolerance and acceptance for each other. My mom, on the other hand, is such a great role model for me. She effortlessly deals with difficult situations and comes out stronger every time. It is hard to narrow down on one single thing, but if there is one thing that I would take from my mom and teach it to my kids then it would definitely be self sufficiency. She is so good at making the most of what she has without looking up to anyone. She is so confident about her choices and I think it is a great thing for a woman to have.

HOW DO YOU FIND TIME FOR YOURSELF? WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE ‘ME-TIME’ ACTIVITIES?

I feel that its imperative to make some time for yourself if you are a mother. It keeps you sane and you feel happy when you indulge in activities that you like. It makes you a more calmer mother. I know it is not always easy to make this time, but once in a while, it is a MUST thing to do. My favorite me-time is reading a good book with chai OR a long bath! I also love spending time with my girlfriends. They are big part of my life and act as major de-stresser :) They are lifesavers literally!

WHAT ROLE DOES YOUR FAITH PLAY IN YOUR PARENTING?

Faith plays a very important part in our household. I will be honest here, it wasn't always like this, especially on my part because my husband was always good at performing his daily prayers but I wasn't that regular. The key thing in this issue is how both spouses demonstrate faith in daily life. Even if one spouse has more inclination towards religion, the other will eventually follow. It is very easy to talk about religion and having a complete faith in your religion, but physically practicing it is another story and that's where I was weak, particularly with daily prayers. So I still have this thing in mind that I want my kids to do better than me in this area of life. If you believe in God than why leave the necessary duties? Of course we fall short on many things and cannot be perfect but I totally believe in trying the best that you can and leaving the rest to God. He knows our strengths and weaknesses and sees our struggles too. Every now and then I bring up different topics about religion because I want my kids to exchange ideas and thoughts without any fear, to ask questions if any. I also like to promote God's kindness more than God's wrath. I cannot stress enough on this because if you see, a lot of people mention more of God's wrath and Hell than His kindness and mercy. The current topic of discussion in our house these days is how to balance religion and this world. So the idea is how important it is to be a good human being AND do your daily duties. Both go hand-in-hand. It is not enough to do, for example, just prayers and fast and not be a good person. Both are very important. Last but not the least is to teach religion to kids without bringing down other faiths. I detest the idea when some people try to prove every other religion wrong to make yours look good. How are we going to teach tolerance that way? Showing respect and accepting diversity is huge part of religion too. And it largely contributes to becoming a good person in God's eye.

AS AN IMMIGRANT DO YOU SOMETIMES WISH TO MOVE BACK? HOW DO YOU COMPARE LIFE IN YOUR BIRTH COUNTRY TO THE ONE YOU HAVE HERE?

I think I used to wish to move back, but not anymore. I know its a sad thing to say about your country but its the truth for me. It certainly doesn't mean that I don't love Pakistan. It's just that life there is different than what I remember growing up. It's not the same, and the situation keeps deteriorating. I think our generation has seen one of the good days. Me and my family are Shia-Muslims, so security is a major cause of concern. I think any minority in Pakistan is not safe today. I constantly worry about my family members in Pakistan, as month of Moharram gets closer, anxiety levels increase with every day. When I was young, we didn't have these insecurities, but today lives are literally in danger. My childhood memories of Pakistan are amazing! and too bad my kids cannot experience that. That's the sad part. But you know what, we are going to Pakistan this December and my kids cannot wait!!! They long to go to Pakistan. They understand the good, the bad and the ugly but still they want to go. We always made regular trips to Pakistan when my kids were little, so they have this bond and love for the place. Their Urdu speaking skills get better which is a great thing. If I compare my life here in US from Pakistan, I think there are pros and cons. In America, you are free to do anything and as a woman its a huge plus. I like how people here are polite and not nosy. You really miss that in Pakistani social environment. But in Pakistan you have family, cousins to have fun with. Here I have to plan for kids activities, play dates etc. As they grow, it becomes challenging to find friends their age. You are lucky if you have a circle where the age group is similar. Cousin factor is a huge negative here. I have a very close knit family, and my time spent with my cousins is the most memorable time of my childhood. My kids don't have this going in their lives. I feel lucky to have a great group of friends but still family is family, there is something very special about it. Last but not the least is the sense of security and everyday peace of mind that we experience here in US. You go to Pakistan and you feel lost in chaos. Still, I love my Pakistan so much! I accept it with both its ugliness and beauty.

WHAT ARE YOUR DREAMS FOR YOUR CHILDREN?

Frankly, there are no dreams. As parents, me and my husband try to give them general right direction, core moral values and best education that we can give and hopefully they will take that and carve their own paths.

ANY ADVICE FOR OTHER MOMS OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE?

Wish there was a code for parenting that one could crack :) but there isn't any! Mothers have very strong instincts, so they should just follow what their hearts say. One cannot perfect this skill but it gets better and better with time. Like every child is different, parenting styles are different too. It is not necessary what we think as a parent is always right. So judging must stop.

Thank you so much Shehwar for sharing your thoughts and beautiful photos.

Thanks for reading and lots of love.

Introducing Mom Stories: A photos+words series on Motherhood

So excited to finally share this. Starting this series on the blog where I ask some amazing moms to share their thoughts in words + photos. Think of it as a little conversation, a heart to heart one for that matter, on motherhood, its challenges and its joys, a reflection on faith, culture and dreams for our children.

I find it so amazing that when you're a mom, you could come from completely different worlds, belong to any culture, speak any language, and yet find so much common with another mother. I find it also amazing how much you discover about yourself once you become a parent, the beautiful and the ugly, and how much your perspectives change once you become a parent.

As a mom, I have thrived on community, on friendships with other moms, on sharing our frustrations and our little triumphs. It is fabulous to be going along this journey alongside other inspiring moms in both our real lives and our online lives. This series is a way to pass this on to my readers too. Let’s be inspired by each other :).

Stay tuned for the first series in this post.