Conversations with Anya

A bilingual household means a bilingual kid! I'll try to translate most of the conversations but sometimes its not that easy. Hope you’ll excuse that :)

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After Bilal explained to her that we shouldn't call anyone batameez (literally, ill-mannered, in Urdu) and that its not a good word.

Anya listens carefully: Phir kis baat peh batameez kehte hain, batao. (Then when can I say batameez tell me)

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In the car one day 

Anya: Baba, say snowman.

Bilal: Snowman

Anya: Good job. See AP ne seekh liya hai snowman kaise kehte hain. (See you have learned how to say Snowman.)

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I took her to an open house for an indoor play gym, where they had a character with a big head called Buddy that would show up on the screens around and the kids would run towards it. Anya kept calling it Body as I tried to explain to her how buddy meant a friend and that’s why it was called that.

Till Anya told me: Uss ka body hee nahi hai iss liye uss ka naam body hai. (He doesn’t have a body, that’s why his name is body).

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Anya asked about something and if Starbucks had it or not and Bilal told her they may have it.

Anya: Might kehte hain, they MIGHT have it. (You got to say might, they MIGHT have it)

Bilal and I: OMG. 

This came wayyyyy sooner than we expected. And then I prepared this whole lecture on how our English might be different for her sometimes because we were more used to the British version, but how its perfectly fine too! Lecture to use at a later time of course! :p

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Anya, scared one night: Monsters mere room mei fire lagaye ga (Monsters will put a fire in my room)

Me: Yeh kahan dekha apne?? Monsters aren’t real and Allah mian dekh rahe hain, He wont let monster do anything. (Where did you hear that?? Monsters aren’t real and Allah is watching, He wont let them do anything)

Anya, after thinking a little: Allah mian apne laptop mei dekh rahe hain? (Is Allah watching on His laptop?) 

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Anya loves the Frozen song of course like every other kid, except she thinks the song is Merry Go. I know! And determined that she is, she won’t hear otherwise.

Telling me loudly over the song playing in our car, Anya: See, uss ne merry go kaha tha uss ne L-E-T I-T G-O nahi kaha tha. (See, she said merry go, she did not say L-E-T I-T G-O)

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Anya: Baba, do you know why I love you?

Bilal, feeling all loved: Why?

Anya: I don’t know.

Bilal: !

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Anya jumping around me as I opened a package, and I scolded her because it would break like that.

Anya: Mama jab bhi mei school se aati hoon ap mujhe daantna shuru kar deti ho. (Mama, everytime I come from school, you start scolding me)

Me: ?!

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Anya, telling me at bedtime one night: Why are you being so grumpy?

Yes I am very loving for the first five minutes at her bedtime, after that I AM totally grumpy. Hmph!

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Thoughtful in the car: Mama jab mei big ho keh baba banoongi, to meri bhi daari nikle gee? (Mama, when I get big and become like daddy, will I get a beard too?)

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At home she mostly talks in English and I constantly have to remind her to use Urdu, at school or random places, of course she chooses Urdu. My poor baby is still learning!

Anya excitedly to random girl in library sitting next to her on the computers station: Apko pata hai mere pass bhi yehi show hai!! (Do you know, I have the same show at home)

Random girl, smiles blankly!

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At dinner table today.. after saying Nooo to everything i offered her to eat…

Anya: Mama mujhse kha-raa nahi ja-ra, mujhse pee-ra nahi ja-ra

Me: Mera dimagh khaya ja raha hai?

Anya: Yes!

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Frustrated with her hair clip one day, Anya: Itna fazool sa clip hai yeh

Me, in my head: that is totally how I talk!!

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More posts in this series here.

Thanks for reading, and lots of love.

On faith and our journeys.

Religion or Faith are issues that strike such heavy cords in our conversations and relationships. Each one of us wherever we are in our journeys in faith or not, consider it the only way to be. And as we get stronger in our beliefs, we also get closer to being judgmental and intolerant of other people's beliefs. This world and the Muslim world specially, is ever increasingly facing problems due to intolerance. In these days, there is no perfect way to follow any religion. When millions of people from different cultures and backgrounds consider themselves a part of one religion, they will bring their own understanding to it and we have to be respectful of that.

My sister and I were just remembering how a decade earlier, she was the one between the two of us who had stronger ideas about faith. She was studying the the Quran with tafseer¹ and passionate about understanding it better. A couple of things which she believed were important in her practice of religion were things I considered not very important then and we both would discuss it but stand our own ground. Now years later as we are in our own places with our faith., the same point came up in a conversation. This time I was inclined towards what she used to believe in then and she was where I was at all those years ago! And as we talked about how a person and his faith changes, she said something to the likes of 'I have learned never to judge anyone. Our Imaan (faith), is not constant, it changes, our beliefs change’.

I kept thinking of her words later on too. We never know our journeys, our life/faith/beliefs/us as humans, nothing stays the same. The things we face in our lives make our faith stronger and sometimes even weaker. We might be the reason someone turns towards faith or we might be the reason someone turns away from it. We won't and shouldn't be in the same place ten years from now. Life is a journey, not a destination, and so are our beliefs. We should make an effort towards learning and understanding more than anything, and if we’re not becoming a better person in our journey of faith, there is something lacking. I find it so interesting how Allah time and again mentions in the Quran how He dislikes arrogance and yet we notice it around us and in ourselves as we think we are becoming more ‘religious’. Lets try to pass on the good that we know and learn, but lets try not to judge, try not to think ourselves better than the other person. Who knows what journeys in faith are in store for us in the years to come.

Just some thoughts I wanted to share. Thanks for reading, lots of love.

Photo above by my sister Waliya Najib.

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FYI

¹Tafseer is a detailed commentary of the Quran. Many scholars have written their own detailed accounts. One favorite is by Muhammad Asad.

On embracing your roots

When we’re raising a child in a country like America, having been raised in a developing country ourselves,  sometimes when we see the political and social turmoil going on in our birth country, we might feel like distancing ourselves and our children from there. Or at the least, we might feel embarrassed to be connected to a country which has such a negative media image. And if WE feel like that we will most probably pass this on to our kids. Even if most of our kids won’t consider Pakistan THEIR country, still, they will forever be connected to it through us. And I feel its important to develop a confidence and a sense of pride in them about their roots. Just like being from a well-knit and stable home gives you a strong base, so does knowing that the culture and country your family belongs to has so much good about it, even if others might think otherwise. And it actually is true, the best thing about being multicultural is being able to see the best of two worlds. No country/culture really is good or bad, some might have more challenges but there is good in each way of life. Whatever we might do or become, most of us will be connected to the lands we come from in more ways than one. And it would be awesome if our kids thought of their multicultural childhood as an advantage.

Some simple ideas for giving our kids a good connection to their roots are

- Teach them to appreciate the language, whether they speak it or only understand it. Expose them to it as much as you can and as they grow older explain to them what a great advantage it is to be bilingual¹

- Telling them about the little things that you miss about back home and why.

- Telling them stories of your childhood and the places you lived.

- When you travel back to visit family, make sure you don’t just get busy shopping and eating and meeting your loved ones, make time to explore local sites around you.

- Introduce them to music, and don’t forget to include local/folk songs. I personally love music and there is such charm in those traditional tunes and dances. You Tube is a great resource for these. 

- Tell them stories of inspiring people from the country. (It will be a great reason for you to collect these stories, because unfortunately most of the news out from Pakistan at least is negative. This is one of the reasons why I have a board on Pinterest where I collect them. Link is below²)

- And as they grow older, you can also talk to them about the challenges the country faces, and why. And the things some of the people are doing to help their country. 

Do you have any other ideas on giving your children an appreciation of their roots? Would love to know.

Thanks for reading and lots of love.

The photos are from August 14th, Pakistan’s Independence day, when I put out reminders of our roots around our house to celebrate.

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1 A previous post on raising a bilingual kid and here’s another one with Urdu specific resources.

² Here’s a link to my Pinterest board where I collect positive stories out of Pakistan.

Our Backyard Eid Dinner

Except for a few pictures in the beginning, most of these taken by the amazing photographer and my good friend, Sumera Naveed.

Here is a picture story of our simple celebration for Eid. It was the perfect example of everything going wrong initially but ending up just right. I ended up with just some simple crepe paper strings, flowers and candles in jars for the decor. The food was ordered at a local restaurant and I laid out some simple snacks on the side to nibble on. A friend brought the yummy cake along with the candles and the kids loved blowing them out together. Our Eid gift tradition for kids continued and has grown so much. The gift corner was literally overflowing and one of the best parts was watching the kids open those gifts.

I have always been unsure of hosting anything for Eid, because I worry about getting so caught up in the preparations that we end up not enjoying it for our kids. But I’m so glad we did it, because it was so totally worth it. Watching our kids and their excitement, the chatter of our friends all dressed up and enjoying each other’s company and just spending the day together, it is what it’s all about. If you haven’t already check out my earlier post on celebrating Eid when you have kids

And only in America can your friends be such sweet guests. As it got dark, our friends helped clear up everything, including loading the rented furniture in our car:p, and sooner than I thought was possible, the backyard was clear. The joys of American Eid, I tell you! Sigh :)

Thanks for reading. And promise this is my last Eid related post. Lots of love.

Eid with kids.

Many of us here reminisce about Eid back in Pakistan. All the things that made it special,the festive air of Ramadan, the Eid shopping, the holidays, the excitement around Chaand Raat¹ and the Mehndi² sessions. I remember going to our Nana Nani’s (mom’s parents) place in Lahore or them coming a few days before Eid. I remember waking up every Eid morning and checking my Mehndi first thing to see how much the color had darkened over the night. I remember our typical Eids, from the Eid Milan³ parties that were routine during our time in the PAF bases, the visits to and from my dad's friends, family and the people he worked with. And every Eid day at some point, I remember us complaining about how boring our day was and how we did not want to meet all those people. Thinking back, it feels like that was such a golden time of our lives, when we were together, enjoying the random little things that made Eid exciting in Pakistan. Except for one Eid ul Azha spent with my in-laws 5 years ago, the last Eid I spent with my family back in Pakistan was in 2005!

It's true that you take some things for granted when you live in Pakistan or even in a Muslim country. Our parents probably did not have worry about whether Eid was special for us or not. It just automatically was that. For us living away from our family, and that too in a non-Muslim country, we have to come up with ideas to make it a special occasion for our families and particularly our kids. With no reminders around them about Eid unlike holidays like Christmas, we try to come up with our own little ways to get the kids excited about Eid.

This year since Anya is older, she was able to understand the concept a bit more so I tried to introduce her to Eid in little ways. Towards the end of Ramadan I involved her in buying the Eid cards, and in writing and mailing them. She helped me choose accessories for her Eid clothes and I would lay out her clothes and show her her outfits. She helped me pack gifts for her friends. I also made it a point to involve her in setting up the decorations for our Eid party. When Eid finally came Anya was super excited and it was amazing watching her enjoy the day and the celebrations. For a week after she kept talking about Eid gifts and her Eid shoes and clothes and became an expert at wishing Eid Mubarak⁴.  

I hope and pray for a time when Eid might become a well-known holiday. When we get to see Eid displays and shopping deals as Ramadan nears its end. So its easier for our kids to belong and feel even more a part of their own homeland. Until then we will keep doing our little efforts to make Eid a time of excitement and celebration for our kids.

A great idea for an advent calendar that can be reused for multiple occasions via here

Hanging out with her daddy as we made inserts for our Eid Mubarak cards in Urdu.

I’m trying to go back to greeting cards so sending out Eid Cards two weeks into Ramadan will hopefully becoming a tradition to continue.

Chaand Raat Iftari at my friend’s house. Love how they decorate their front yard with lights every Eid.

Watercolor gift tags freebie via Swooned Magazine.

Gorgeous Eid Mubarak gift tags freebie via Olive and Lavendar

The gifts for Anya’s friends, Anya’s gift from us and her Chand Raat/Eid outfits all ready for the big day.

 

Helping me with our Eid party decorations. More pictures from that for a later post :)

And my favorite part about American Eids, the prayers at the mosque.

How do you get your kids excited about Eid? Would love to hear.

Thanks for reading

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FYI

¹ Chaand Raat is the night before Eid ul Fitr. It is known as Chaand Raat literally Night of the Moon, because the new moon signifies the ending of Ramadan and hence Eid the next day. In most Muslim countries it is a night of celebration and joy spent preparing for Eid the next day in different ways.

² Mehndi, more famously known as henna is a natural dye used to decorate hands in intricate patterns and is usually done in Pakistan for occasions like weddings and Eids.  

³ Eid Milan were Eid parties for families with lots of food and family/kids activities.

⁴ Eid Mubarak is the tradition way to wish each other a happy Eid. Literally it means Blessed Eid.

Conversations with Anya

Happy Monday you guys:). Starting a new series here to share some pieces of conversations with Anya. Love how entertaining toddler talk is and oh so cute, not always though! Lol. Its sad though because unless I write it down, I just forget all this toddler banter. Hopefully this series will motivate me to write more.



Overheard, a very grumpy Anya telling Bilal: I am not proud of you.
Bilal: Really, why aren't you proud of me?
Anya: You touch my pony(tail), I am not proud of you!

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In the car on way to Mt Rainier.
Me: Anya look outside so you don't get dizzy.
Anya: Kabhi kabhi dizzy ho sakte hain. Kabhi kabhi girls happy hoti hain. Kabhi kabhi dizzy hoti hain. Girls DIZZY ho sakti gain. (Sometimes you can be dizzy. Sometimes girls are happy, sometimes they are dizzy. Girls can be dizzy.)
Me: ?!

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On the way to a friend’s house in the car.
Me: Anya you know what, we’re going to Y’s house.
Anya: (Pauses and thinks about it) apko pata hai Y maar sakta bhi hai. (Do you know, Y can hit too.)!

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Anya: Meine baba keh office jana hai. (I want to go to Baba’s office.)
Me: Aw, I'll take you one day
Anya: Hum one day mei agaye hain. (thinks and looks outside) one day blue sky ka naam hota hai. (We are in one day. (Looks outside), one day is the name of blue sky.)!

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I am telling her about her friends coming over the next day, I said 'N ajaye?', (Can N come?)
Anya: NO. N kehta hai mere ghar aao, lekin meine uss keh ghar nai jana, mujhe N kee mama ka baby nahi banna' (N says come to my house. But I don’t want to go to his house. I don’t want to be his mama’s baby.)!

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Anya thinks that this particular song on my cd in the car is about her Taya.‘Mama hum taya ko batayenge keh hamarae pass bhi taya wala song hai.’  And she loudly sings along to it: 'Tujh ko jo TAYA, to jeena aya.’ And yesterday fought with the person singing the song all the way to the grocery store, ‘No, Its my Taya’!

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Thanks for reading and lots of love.

PS: A bilingual household means a bilingual kid! I'll try to post the translations of most of the conversations but sometimes its not that easy. Hope you’ll excuse that.

PPS: Names are hidden to protect the identity of the sweet people around us:p