Oh children of Palestine

Since the events of the past days, my news feed has been full of truly disturbing, heartbreaking images. Of dying little kids and adults, of parents bathed in their children's blood as they hang on the corpses of their children. Images so graphic that my first response is wanting to quickly scroll down so my brain doesn't replay these scenes in my head again and again. So I don’t have to think or feel, but that is exactly what we have to do, to let ourselves feel their pain, let ourselves feel the agony of holding your dying child/sibling/parent/friend in your arms. As a mom my heart absolutely weeps, just like any parents' would, or any human being's for that matter. What makes human lives, children’s lives more valuable in certain areas and less so in others? Whatever the political situation is, no humans, and specially no babies and kids, deserve to die like this.

Tonight as I lay with my daughter in bed, I lingered a little longer after she fell asleep, stroked her hair and just felt her little arms and legs under my hands. I stared at her sleeping face and kissed her with a tears in my eyes as my mind reconstructed the tragic images my eyes have been seeing the past few days. It is so hard to imagine the hatred that kills little children on an almost daily basis, the moms and dads that have held their dying kids in their arms. And it was too much for me to take. I said a quick prayer for them, shook my head and chose to think of other things as I left her room. But to truly realize the injustice, the heartbreak, the cruelty, whichever religion or state we belong to, we need to let ourselves feel this discomfort.

I will not post one of these tragic pictures up here because I really am not brave enough. But I urge those that have only heard the one-sided media coverage of this blatant human rights violation, to go see some of these images. To take a minute and truly look at these heartbreaking pictures, feel the pain in their faces, and put yourselves in their feet and imagine their world. In today's day and age if we think we can close our eyes to it, that is not possible. Whatever reasons the media has for turning a blind eye to the suffering of one side of this war, we have no excuse to stay ignorant. Get your facts, open your eyes, let your hearts feel, and at least speak up.

Thanks for reading.

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FYI

Two news sources to get more accurate coverage on the region are RT and Al Jazeera.

A history of the Israel-Palestine crisis. 

A graphical representation of historical facts relating to the crisis.

Statistics of casualties on both sides.

Also important to remember that just as all Muslims are not terrorists, all Jews are not on the same side. Read Testimonies from Israeli soldiers who have served in the West Bank, Gaza and East Jerusalem. and Why she wants to give up her Israeli passport. So do not hate indiscriminately. 

Some famous people that have spoken up include Einstein, Stephen Hawkings, Christian Ronaldo, Roger Waters, Stevie Wonders, Elvis Costello

Dr Norman Finkelstein responds to the Holocaust argument.

One of the biggest voices from the western world on this issue, George Galloway’s address in Vancouver.

Jon Stewart perfectly sums up the situation in Gaza

The child victims of Palestine, a disturbing collection of these innocent victims. To realize the suffering, I believe it is important to view these and question the wars that do this.

It is also interesting to read what Muhammad taught us about war-times and the rules that are needed to be followed.

As we speak out about this human rights violation, it is also important to remember the injustices around us, in our own societies. From atrocities against Shias, minorities, Ahmadis, Christians, Hazaras, killings in the name of honor and the massacres by ISIS and the many other terrorist organizations in the Muslim world. As we stand with the Palestinian victims, make sure you are not being silent about the many victims in your own societies.

And as important as it is to raise awareness on this situation, please consider donating for the victims too.

All that we can endure.

I shared this on Facebook the other day. Tears poured down my face as I read it because isn't it our worst fears as parents to watch our babies sufferings? And yet what I couldn't stop thinking about as I read it, was the courage of the parents! Human strength is amazing and yet so scary at the same time. That we humans who imagine we would just not be able to live if our worst fears came true, are stronger than we think we are. It would be easier to not survive. It is scary as hell to live through the worst days of our lives, but somehow survive we do! It is not our weakness that scares me, it is our strength. It is the fact that we are able to endure so much more than we imagine.

My sisters and I talk about this sometimes, how it seems like those that are able to handle difficult times with a smile on their face and courage in their hearts, seem to get so much more to handle. But some things we cant understand, only that we are stronger than we think we are. And even when it seems like we just could not handle another personal battle, big or small, know that you really can. And also it is so true that if God brought you to it, He will get you through it. Find strength in the things around you, in your blessings and know that you can do it, one step at a time.

Also realized that we are totally unaware of all the challenges and trials still to cross our paths and maybe this time of our lives, safe and healthy in our homes, together with our family, might be looked back on as when all was well. More reason to cherish what we have and make the most of it.

Thanks for reading, lots of love.

World Cancer Day

Today I think of my father and Bilal’s eldest sister, and the disease that took them away from us. I think of all the men, women and little kids that get diagnosed with this terrible disease every single day. I think of the families that get affected, that watch their loved ones go through the heartbreaking treatments, and the ones that have lost a loved one to it. I think of all the people that live in fear of it, and I hope. I hope for a cure. I pray and I hope.

For the ones that are fighting cancer, or have a loved one fighting it. For the ones that have lost family or a friend to it. You are not alone. And for the ones that have gone through the journey and are cancer-free now, you are truly brave and an inspiration to us all. May Allah bless us and our loved ones and keep us safe from life-altering diseases. Ameen

Please consider donating to Cancer research today. Let us all contribute in finding a cure and in helping save lives of those affected.

Thanks for reading and Much Love.

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If you’re not sure where to donate, here are two links,

The Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Cancer Center in Seattle, Washington, is one of the leading cancer research institutes where scientists research the prevention, early detection and treatment of cancer.

The Shaukat Khanum Memorial Cancer Hospital and Research Centre in Lahore, Pakistan, is a state-of-the-art non-profit cancer research center and hospital.

Finding hope in times of grief.

picture by my sister, Waliya.

I can't begin to thank you enough for all the comments received when I shared the story about losing my daddy here last year. My sister and I have received messages from countless people who shared their own stories of loss. Some said they understood the pain, some asked for advice on dealing with their own tragedies. I wanted to share some of the things that gave strength and hope through our grief specially in the first year. 

When we go through a tragic time in our life and once the realization has set in, you need some kind of motivation to go on. You need some hope that you're not alone and that your heart will feel less broken someday. Here are some of the things that helped heal my broken heart a little bit at a time.

Faith

'To Him we belong and to Him is our final return' just said it all for me. And just reading these words makes it easier every time just like so many other verses from the Quran. They just put it all in perspective. That this life is not all we are striving for and we all must go one day, it's not such a big surprise is it! As well as knowing that God is all powerful and knows what is in the hearts of people, He knows cruelty, He is more fair than anything else, and the ones that have continuously tried to hurt us after Papa, thinking we are helpless, Allah knows.

Having faith that even when we doubt being able to smile or laugh again, Papa will want us to be happy and that he in in a much better place now iA. Believing that Papa will be proud of us knowing we stood on our feet and stood up for each other through this tragic time.

Believing that this had to happen, the way it happened, and when it happened and we could've done nothing to change even a small part of it. There will always be days when you go over it in your head, wishing for things to be different, but reminding yourself every time that it happened the way it was destined to. It breaks your heart a little less knowing that.

Family and Friends

taken by my sister, Waliya

My daughter was the biggest strength for me. And without her, I really don’t think I or my whole family would've been able to survive like we did. Babies have no idea of the enormity that has happened, and for them you have to continue to live. Just like you have to go on for the sake of your loved ones. We lost one of us, and it makes the rest of us that much more precious to each other. Anything can happen anytime and our families are our most important asset. With and for each other we slowly started smiling and laughing and finding strength because NO ONE understands this pain the way the four of us do.

I went through a phase where I found it hard to be around some of my friends. My relationship changed with some friends, and I made many new friends. Going through a tragedy is a hard time for your relationships. I had become a different person and my perspective on so many things just changed. I became more sensitive in certain ways. I tried to be around people that made me feel happy and tried to stay away from the ones that didn't understand my pain or expected me (or I got the feeling that they did) to just laugh and smile and be normal again. In retrospect, I have learned that loss and death is an uncomfortable subject for many people so talking to just anyone about it won't heal your heart.

I was also lucky to know friends that had experienced loss at some point in their lives and just being around them made me feel better and stronger. I talked about it here once. My network in Seattle helped me in many ways, the playdates, the coffee with friends, the normalcy of life despite it all, even though seemed pointless specially in those early days, made me get back to normal life little by little.

Music/Movies and Books

Songs I had listened to so many times before without feeling anything, made me weep like a crazy woman, because suddenly I felt like I could connect to them. Somewhere in that pain, it felt like I wasn't alone. So many people go through tragedies and it takes courage to put these into words, in art, in songs, in any kind of creative medium. And that inspired me or made it bittersweet. In some way it made it a little easier to feel the pain. Two favorites became, Without you by David Guetta and Pee Jaun by Farhan Ali Khan.

I read a lot of memoirs during this time, sad books, but all that spoke of hope and living through the challenges and tragedies that touch our lives. Some of my favorite became Two kisses for Maddy, Three weeks with my brother and The rules of inheritance.

I love reading inspiring words and have a collection of inspiring quotes on Good Reads and Pinterest, many of them bittersweet and sad, but inspiring at some level. Many of you follow my sister Waliya's page on Facebook where she combined many such beautiful sad words with her images to tell her story.

Writing, Art and Creativity

taken by Waliya

I got back to blogging in April of 2012, less than three months after my dad left. For me it became a place where I could find hope in that pain, share my thoughts and stories. All three of us sisters, have put our dad's life and the way he left us in words in one way or another. There is catharsis in writing and painting and art and in finding a way to express that pain. Waliya and I found a whole different meaning to our photography. We both chose to share our story with the people that followed our photography on Facebook and are immensely grateful for the love received through there.

For me, another thing that helped was keeping a little journal of my dad's memories. I find it heartbreaking that my dad wasn't able to experience being a grandfather, and that Anya will never know him. A friend gave me the idea to write down memories in a journal, and I try to jot down the most random-est of memories of my father. I can tell Anya all these little stories over the years about him, so even if she wont know him, she will know lots about him. And that makes me feel a little better.

Everyone’s recovery through grief is different and these are a few of the many things that have given me hope and strength. You also pass through different stages and each person’s journey is unique. If you have experienced tragedy and are struggling to stand up again, I hope some of this will give you some sort of encouragement.

Thanks for reading.