Our Mothers Day.

 

After feeling guilty for spending most of my morning on the phone with my mom and my best friend, I told you I wanted to take you out for a little mothers day treat as I absolutely love being your mom. You immediately said theek hai (OK in Urdu) and told me you’d like your favorite McDonald’s strawberry milkshake as a treat. So we picked up the shake along with an ice team for myself and we found a hilly spot in a nearby park in the sun and sat there as we enjoyed our treats over random chatter and some silly selfies.

I remember what it was like to wait all those years for you, I remember what it was like to bear you, to experience the strength I never knew I had. I remember those sleepless nights, I remember the sleep struggles and the dramas of potty training. I struggle each day to be a better mom than I the one I was yesterday, to understand you more, to learn new ways to deal with the challenges of each stage. And I am so very grateful for the gift of motherhood, the frustrations/the love/the struggles, everything!

Today I celebrate myself and how far I have come. I celebrate my mom who I have come to appreciate only after becoming a mom myself and all that she has taught us and given us, I celebrate you the little girl that gives me this title, that looks up at me for understanding and guidance. 

To all the amazing moms around me that inspire me to be a better one. Happy Mothers Day!

And I got a bonus super amazing mothers-day dinner by my own personal chef husband, salmon topped with a yummy blueberry sauce.

Alhamdullilah.

Thanks for reading and much love.

Dear Baby: The journey has begun.

Dear little girl, It has begun, bit by bit, the beginning of your journey on your own in this world. All those years ahead of balancing the letting go and the holding on, the guiding and the letting you experience and learn on your own. You started school this week and it feels like the first time you started walking all over again. Letting go of your tiny fingers to encourage you to walk, and hovering nearby to catch you if you fall. Remember those days? It feels like that. But that is what parenting is about, in the end. We'll do this dance of letting go of you and then taking your hand again, as you slowly get used to this world until the day when you're ready to step on your own, to walk your own steps into the world. Saying a little prayer for you every time you walk through those doors and I drive away.

More letters to my baby here.

The day you turned 3

A picture story of how your day looked like. Pancakes you helped me make in the morning followed by unwrapping your present, a doctor set. The essential birthday celebrations on Skype and helping decorate some hats for your upcoming birthday party. A cupcake party with some friends and a family dinner at Cheesecake Factory and finally ending with another birthday treat and a visit from a favorite aunty.

Pictures from the birthday bash, coming soon!

Thanks for reading, much love.

Love like this. Happy Fathers day.

Excerpt from a letter I wrote to Anya in June 2012. Happy Fathers day to you and yours.

picture taken by my sister, Waliya when Anya was still pretty brand new.

Dear Baby, Fathers Day is here and I wanted to tell you something about your father today. It is not often that you see a father love his kid the way your baba loves you. What I see in his eyes is something more. They say that it takes a while for daddies to bond with their babies, they say many things. But what your daddy felt, was instant love. And there has not been any looking back.

He was the first one to hold you between the two of us when you entered this world, he is the one who has rocked you as you cried nonstop on those frequent sleepless nights, he is the one who has not once lost his patience with you, he is the one between the two of us that never gets angry with you however tired he might be. He is the one who can always calm you down no matter what. 

And love like this? It can only grow stronger. And I can't wait to watch it grow iA.

Thanks for reading and for stopping by!

Will you know how much I loved you?

Sometimes I wonder that if something happens to me will you ever know the extent of my love for you?

Will you ever know how you completed me and my life.

Will you know that when you go to sleep in my arms every night I just stare at you and kiss your sweet face over and over again.

Will you ever know that being hugged by you makes me the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Will you ever know that I love to stare at you as you're busy with something to memorize the curl of your lashes and pout of your little lips.

Will you ever know that even though I want you to sleep in your room, sometimes I just make excuses to bring you into our bed. 

Will you ever know that sleeping cuddled up next to you fills up the emptiness from inside.

Will you ever know all the dreams and wishes and prayers I have for you.

Will you ever know the happiness my heart feels at the sound of your giggles and your sweet voice.

Will you ever know that I love you way and beyond anything I have ever felt before.

Will you ever know that right now, in this moment of time, you are everything to me?

Dear Baby: Weekends and Bookshops

Dear Baby, One of our favorite thing to do on lazy weekends is making a trip to a bookshop. Your baba and I just love our books. Always have, always will, and right now it seems like you do too. Your Dr Suess books, your Mother Goose books, and the many others you have, occupy you like nothing can.

I hope books, and the stories they contain, continue to mesmerize your little mind. I hope you live a million different lives through the stories you read. I hope the books you read make you think, they make you ponder, they make you a better person. I hope you are forever inspired by books. I hope you are up many a nights because you just cant put that book down. I hope you never forget the magic of books and bookshops and the never ceasing wonder of the smell of books. I hope they widen your horizons and open your heart. I hope you find peace in solitude and a good book and in reading in bed.

If we pass nothing else to you, I hope we can pass on this love of books to you.  

Love, Your Mama.

Thanks for stopping by!

FYI: Anya calls her dad baba. A word that is used for dad in Urdu

Dear baby: This is the story of the day you turned 2

Dear baby, We had lots of plans for your day. I wanted it to be a perfect little mama-daughter day while your baba worked and then have a sweet little family celebration in the evening. But then we woke up to a red faced, sick baby and a bright sunny day as beautiful as the day you came into this world. We took you to your balloon filled room. Despite being sick you were so excited to see the balloons and spent a long time trying to get all the strings in your hand and then walking around the house with them. I changed your clothes because sick or not, you have to look pretty on your big day right? Totally! Then you skyped with your bari phupo, phupa and apas, and then your nani and khalas. You loved it when everyone sang Happy Birthday to you and had a big smile on your face. We had to run to the doctor's office then, you all dressed up in your frilly little pink skirt and your red face. You hate doctor visits so as usual you were not happy when he had to check your ears and look inside your mouth, but the 'Gora' (Dora) sticker made it a bit better. On our way back, we thought what the heck if we cant do what we had planned to, at least we can grab some cake pops (and coffee for mama) sing aloud to our favorite songs and go for a drive in this gorgeous sunshine. So we did just that (you were more busy making a mess in your new car seat with your 'cake cop'). We came home, tried to get you to eat something, but all you wanted was your 'dudu', milk. The medicine started making you drowsy so we read books in bed till you dozed off. As soon as I would stop reading thinking you're finally asleep, you would open your eyes and tell me to 'just keep reading woman', in your own little vocabulary that is. While you slept then, mama got to her cake and decorations because you know there are some things that you just have to do! I listened to all the loving phone calls and read the sweet messages on facebook for you. You are one super loved baby! You slept and you slept, which was good because mama was all ready for you when you woke up. Your Baba came home and as usual that was the best part of the day for you. You tried on your birthday hat for him and then sat and watched cartoons instead of running around and screaming with him like you normally do. We had our dinner and then cut the rainbow cake your mama was so excited about trying. You looked at the candle on the cake really hard and then said 'ONE'. Haha. We're confused what that really meant. Do you think 2 is the new 1 or were you counting the number of candles? Maybe you can solve that one for us when you get a little older? Anyways after telling me ‘Mama Happy Birthday cake’ for so many days, you wanted to have nothing to do with the cake, not cut it not eat it! It was then that I remembered, maybe you only like Chocolate cakes!! Well, for next time, I guess. You opened your gifts then, loved the wooden train we got for you along with the burlap teddy that we picked up at the last minute from Safeway:p. Your Nadia Aani and Ali uncle dropped by then and you were excited, specially with the gifts they got you. You almost tried on the dress and kept saying ‘Kapare’, clothes. Your bari nani called and you talked to her on the phone, and when she sang happy birthday for you, you turned to your baba and said 'keh ri hain happy birthday to you' she's saying happy birthday to you. Nadia aani tried to tell you the story of the day you were born, and how you almost shared a birthday with her. When they left, we gave you your medicine, disguised in chocolate, but you were too clever. We waited for it to start working while you were busy bringing all your toys in our bed and reading all the books we had ever got for you. Finally more than an hour later, you finally went to sleep.

So this is the story of your second birthday. Imperfect and totally not what we had planned, but sometimes not perfect is so so better than perfect. Right? Also, come to think of it, life is never perfect, even if it looks and feels like that sometimes:)

You have literally made our lives complete and there has never been any looking back since that beautiful day that you entered our world mA. May you always be a source of happiness for all those around you. I love you more than life itself.

Xoxo, Your Mama

(FYI: phupo is for dad’s sister, phupa is phupo’s husband and apa is for elder sister/cousin. Nani is for maternal grandmother and Khala is mom’s sister. Bari nani is for mom’s grandmother. mA is for mashAllah, which literally means ‘as God has willed’ but is used routinely when we praise anything, in acknowledgement that all blessings and good things come from Allah)

Thanks for stopping by!

As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.

Dear baby girl,

How can you be so big already, running around the house, having your own little personality and choices. Wasn't it just yesterday that we saw you for the first time? Those sparkly big eyes staring right back at us, your wrinkly skin, your tiny little hands and feet that were just so brand new and OMG those loud cries that would come out of that tiny mouth!

You're almost a little girl now, no longer that little tiny baby we brought home that February night, almost 2 years ago. How you kept us on our toes, not letting us sleep much, or do much else of our own. And then suddenly in what feels like a blink of an eye (Palak jhapakne mei waqt guzar gaya, as my mom has always said), you are that much less dependent on us.

You have shown us what it means to love and changed our lives all around. From being all about us, our lives suddenly changed focus. Nothing looked the same, since you came and nothing ever will. Your darling little personality now, your laughter, your sparkling eyes, your sweet little hugs, your voice, which might be the sweetest sound our ears have ever heard, your gibberish never ending conversations, are the highlight of our days.

May your little being always be delighted by life. May your days always be full of sunshine, and may Allah bless you with his choicest blessings always.

We love you today and we will love you always, no matter what.

Your mama and baba!

Dear Baby: ‘these are the moments we live for’

Sharing another letter from my Dear Baby journal.

Oct 20th, 2011

dear baby, this new life? Its busy. And sometimes we're always in a rush, running between nap times and diaper changes and shopping trips, grocery, laundry etc etc and then suddenly in the midst of the craziness comes a moment that hits me all over again. That you are growing so fast, that one day you'll be an independent little person with your own little life (iA). And suddenly time slows down as i tell my brain to forget about everything and memorize the now. This moment forces all the lists to just disappear because this moment is now, and this moment is life. And these are the moments we live for and this is what life is all about. Sometimes in the craziness of life we forget what it is really about, and sometimes its good to be reminded. Even if it means sitting in the middle of a messy house, only to stare at you as you sleep :)

Thanks for stopping by!

Dear Baby : one from today and one from last September

9th July 2012:

Dear baby, another visit from loved ones is over. And we’re left with lots of happy memories to cherish and a house that feels so quiet once again. Your Haroon taya, Uzma tayi and Danyal bhai left yesterday after a full week of exploring, shopping and many memories in a house that seems happiest when full of people. And now when they have left and we are a bit sad, I remind myself to be thankful that we have loved ones to miss. And I silently say a prayer for all our family. As long as I know that they’re healthy, I will ask for nothing more. That if given the choice, I would rather they be happy, healthy and settled in their own lives, than closer but hurting in any kind of way! And I pray that until we meet again, they are safe in God's best care. And that whenever we meet next, it is in good times. But I also pray that if and when bad times do come, we are able to get through them with our loved ones next to us. And through it all I pray for my daddy who had been planning to visit us soon, but never could. I will always wish he had been able to, one last time. May he rest in peace. Ameen.





22nd Sep 2011:

Dear little Baby, your Haroon taya left today and the house is all quiet. Its funny how the same place feels different every time visits from family are over. How their perfumes still linger, how little pieces of theirs are sometimes left behind, a sock, a scribbled note; all evidences of their cozy presence in our home. The things, the scents remain but the people we love are somewhere on an airplane, heading away from us with every passing minute. My mom says that on these days one should leave the cleaning etc. for later and just get out of the house, and she's right. Today we did exactly that, you and me went out shopping for sales, and got back home to find a lovely email from your taya thanking us for his pleasant visit. I read it out to you and you smiled. Even if the goodbyes are hard, even if the house feels more quiet than before, even if it takes some days of random loitering to feel better once they're gone, its all worth it. Because every second that we spend with our parents, our sisters, our brothers, our grandparents, our nieces, our nephews, all the people we love, is a gift. And even when we say goodbye to them with tears in our eyes and lumps in our throats, we are thankful.





Thanks for stopping by!

Letters to my daughter: Dear Baby

Long before my daughter was even thought of, a good friend of mine mentioned how she writes letters to her little son every night. She hoped it would be a little collection of all the things she wants him to know, of all that she has learned along the way. That little tradition of hers stayed with me. And when I was pregnant I started writing letters to my daughter. During my pregnancy these letters were just snippets of our lives. I talked about what was going on, how excited we were to meet her etc etc. But after she entered our world, the letters became a thing of their own. Suddenly I had so much to learn, so much to teach, and so much to do with this brand new little person.

The past year has been a huge time of growth for myself. Experiencing a huge gift and then a huge loss all in the same year, I am now a different person. Maybe in a good way. Because motherhood does something to you. And so does losing a parent. And though it has always been a part of my being, I’m becoming more and more passionate about making the most of this gift of life we have been given, about these little humans we have been entrusted with, about enjoying the everyday, about making memories for our children, about contentment. And as I have changed, so have the letters to my baby, along the way. These days I use these letters to tell my daughter what I have learned, what I believe life is about and all the things I want her to know.

I’m hoping she will read these ones day and know what I felt in my heart as I watched her grow, as I raised her from the tiny little thing that she is and was. My wish is that these letters will connect us together in more ways then one, when she moves on into her own little world inshAllah. 



I have shared bits and pieces from my Dear Baby journal before and I thought it would be a good idea to make it a regular series. I will be sharing a letter from this journal every week.

Will be sharing the first one, check back soon:]

(To see all the posts for this series, go here)

Thanks for stopping by.

{celebrating you}

Dear Little One,

we had a little birthday party for you on Sunday. Despite everything, I decided that we wanted to share this momentous occasion with our closest friends and your friends to be. That even though the worst possible has happened to your mama this year, with that the best happened too. And without you in my life at this point i couldn't have survived. So i wanted to celebrate you, the joy u are to us, the happiness you bring to our lives every single day. I wanted to say that sometimes the best things in life come along with the worst things and we have to survive, because this is life and this is what were meant to do, to keep living our lives when it absolutely feels like we couldn't go on. I wanted to celebrate your presence in our lives disguised as a little birthday party and you loved it. Conversing with the babies who came, crawling around in the backyard, saying baba baba over and over again, hanging out with the older kids, walking around in your wobbly little way, you were the picture of a happy little baby, mA. Thank you for helping me move on, thank you for giving a reason to my days, thank you for everything. I love you always and forever. Your nana is smiling at you today, i can tell:)






Update: Many of you asked about the fabric garland, so I thought I’ll share a little about it. It was made using cut up old tshirts tied over a piece of twine. I tied them up using this tutorial I found via pinterest. And I loved how it turned out. Hope that helps!

Another Update: We were so excited when this little party was featured on Apartment Therapy. Check it out.

Thanks for stopping by!