I wrote the following on my birthday.
And it is here, the birthday I have been dreading the last few ones. I am 30. Sitting here as the clock turns past 12. Rocking my baby back to sleep, after she just woke up a couple hours after I put her to bed. Her silky black hair slightly damp from her bath, her hand clutching on tight around my neck so I don’t leave her, her baby face on my chest with that sweet little mouth a tad bit open. And I think about what it means to leave the 20's behind and enter this new decade of my life.
In a weird way, I always feared this birthday, but as it settles in, I am realizing, I am blessed. The past few years have taught me so much about priorities and life, and I'm so thankful for the lessons. The 20's started with me being in university, confused about my career path, about what I wanted from life, about myself and just life I guess. I got married, I moved countries, I had a baby, I lost my dad, I learned how important family and friends are, and I had to reevaluate all I knew about life.
And as the 20's end now, I am inspired, to be better, to live better, to write, to create, to inspire, to make good of this life, to grow, to learn, to tell my story, to listen to people's stories. I am just inspired to live this life. I am thankful and in a good place, MA. And despite what my sisters keep calling me:p, I really don’t feel old. I feel more confident than ever before, from the way I dress to what I believe in, I have never felt this comfortable in my skin before. I am true to myself, to my values, and for the most part, I am who I want myself to be.
I have learned the importance of family and mine will always remain my first priority. I have learned that the only unconditional love is the love your parents have for you. I have learned that it is important to tell our loved ones that we love them, or it might be too late. I am learning that it is important to invest in your friendships, even when life seems too busy even for a phone call. I am learning that imperfection is beautiful. I am learning that being right at the cost of your relationships is never the better option. I am learning that it is easy to judge but so important to keep an open heart and mind. I am learning that kindness is really a virtue and something that we need to focus a lot on. I am learning that people will hurt you and sometimes to move on we really have to forgive.
I also think of 30 years ago, the day I entered this world and changed my parents status from a couple to a family, and all that they have done for me. I pray for them who dedicated their lives to me and my sisters. This day is not about me, it is actually about them, my mom who bore me through the worst of pains, and went on to dedicate her whole life to us and my dad who spent his life working to give me and my sisters better futures and who in an email to me wrote how if he was to be called Abu Nataliya (Arabic traditions to be named after your first born), 'it would be the most beautiful title I would adorn'. May Allah bless them always, and reward them multi folds for everything they did, for any little good that I have ever done or ever do, comes from them and what they taught me and continue to teach me. Without my mama and papa, for my parents, I would just not be the same. As you read this, please say a little prayer for my parents.
Thank you for all the sweet messages and love for my birthday.
This birthday deserved a little photo shoot celebration:)
Thank you so much for reading and for stopping by.
PS: I know some of my friends are going to laughing at me as they read this. Because they knew how scared I was of turning 30;)